Many many years ago in a galaxy very close by, there used to be a lot of talk about something called the “Impostor Syndrome” — that lingering sense that you haven’t really done what you’ve done in the way that others seem to think you’ve done it.
And worse, that They will ultimately discover their mistake, unmasking you forever.
The whole dissertation process is ripe for these same kinds of worries and nagging fears.
And the American Psychological Association’s Monitor on Psychology has a great article on exactly this shared fear — courtesy of the gradPsych magazine: Get Real by Jessica Gould.
What really caught my attention in this brief article was the direct link they create between the development of the Impostor Syndrome and the development of a Fixed Mindset. Not that they call is a fixed mindset, but this is exactly what they’re describing as the “seeds” planted early in life that contribute to the growth of this negative mindset later on. I want to quote this bit, but do hop over and read the whole article:
The seeds of the impostor syndrome are planted early on in life, says Clance. The children of highly critical parents, for instance, often feel that no matter what they do, their accomplishments aren’t good enough. Sometimes another sibling is designated the family prodigy, so success feels hollow and undeserved.
Then there are the kids whose parents tell them they’re superstars and that the sky’s the limit when it comes to their achievements.
“That makes some kids think, ‘If I can’t be the best, I’m not good enough,’” Clance says. When some overpraised children encounter adversity, they feel like failures. After all, things aren’t supposed to be difficult for them. “It’s a hard line for parents to walk,” Clance says.
Parental influence, however, is only part of the problem. There’s something seductive about being an impostor, and specialists say self-described impostors develop a kind of “magical thinking” when it comes to maintaining their success. Some think their low expectations protect them from the shock of failure. If they are “found out,” at least it won’t come as a surprise.
Others use their impostor feelings as a motivational tool. Fearful they will be revealed as frauds, impostors tend to work extra hard, and they see successes as a reward for all their worries.
“This is why it’s hard to give it up, because you know it works,” says Matthews. “You’re afraid to go in feeling confident.”
But ultimately, Clance says, feeling like an impostor is simply stressful. “It prevents the feeling of joy,” she says.
There’s another point made in the article that I think is important — apart from the question of Mindset, which if you’ve read my other posts on this topic, you will know is near and dear to my heart.
And that is that one of the biggest challenges for graduate students is to make the shift from student-mind to professional-mind. In the article, they emphasize its importance as primarily post-degree, but I suggest to you that learning to make this shift is part of actually finishing the degree and being seen by others, as well as yourself, as a colleague instead of a student seeking approval. We have so many years and years of practice “studenting” that it’s hard to make this shift. And if we don’t make it, others around us don’t either and the whole process can feel more challenging as a result.
And that might actually bring us to a benefit of“playing the impostor”. Before we master anything, we often need to “play the part”, trying on what it would feel like to Get this. I ski much better when I’m “pretending” to be an excellent skier, my tango dancing is much more impressive when I’m “pretending” to be my instructor — not that I don’t have the skills, but I use them much better apparently when I’m not limiting myself by focusing on my amateur status and my uncertainties about my capacity.
And there’s where the Growth mindset and Pretending come together. If I believe it’s ok — really ok to not be good at something immediately — then I can also be more comfortable with using strategies that help me learn and practice and “try-on” other ways of being and acting.
If I don’t believe this, if I’m trapped in a Fixed mindset of Have to be able to do this well, right from the start, etc. etc., then I’m much less likely to feel able to Play with what might help, less able to “Pretend on purpose”, and more likely to feel I’m “just an Impostor”.
How about you? What might you do better if you allowed yourself to Play and Pretend?